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. He was mad. Furious. I don't know exactly but I know I broke his heart

Yes I cheated.
It doesn't matter what me and the other guy did. It was still cheating. I love my guy but it was just something I felt at the moment. I could've asked my guy to go have sex with me but I'm sure he would decline. And so I went to omegle and looked for someone who could fuck me. And alas! I found one. We decided to meet up somewhere but as I was getting myself ready, I wanted to cancel. i didn't want to do it anymore. Thinking about how my guy would feel. Thinking about how I would feel if he did the same to me. Thinking how my guilt would eat me up. But I decided to meet up with the other guy since it would be rude if I didn't. I told him not to buy condoms anymore not telling him that I didn't want it anymore. I stayed somewhere near where we were supposed to meet in hopes that if I see him, I would just text him that I saw him, and that I can't do it. But being the stupid me, he knew who I was. I was shocked to see him going near me and shit, i couldn't do anything anymore. So I just invited him to my condo and apologized because I couldn't do it. He said it was okay. But I was pretty sure he wasn't. ""He's not gonna go anywehere unless you atleast give him something"" i thought, so I gave him a kiss. Well I obliged myself to make out with him. And I told him that he could just let his seed out just to ease him of his horniness. That was as much as I could give. But it doesn't make me any less guilty. The other guy told me not to tell my guy for it would only cause a fight. But I decided to tell him anyway.
I felt so bad afterwards. He was mad. Furious. I don't know exactly but I know I broke his heart. I was ready for him to leave me. I was ready to accept all the mean things he was going to say. But he only asked me what happened and why I did it. We were over the phone and I couldn't tell him everything. I wanted to end my petty and shameless life but he went to my condo to get me. Just to make sure I don't do any more stupidity to myself. He was mad when he arrived but he didn't speak much. He just asked me what happened and why I did it. I couldn't get myself to speak. He started to raise his voice and I cried and told him what I did. He was mad but he still asked me to come home with him. He loved me but he doesn't know how to trust me anymore.
It broke me to see him cry and smoke again. But now I am only thankful. He is surely still mad for what I did but for him to still show me that I wasn't any less his girl, it made me feel so thankful.
Baby, if you ever get to read this, I am so sorry. I promise to never do it again, I will find myself and I will make it up to you. I love you and I am so very sorry for the things that I did to hurt you. You know you deserve better but thak you for being so understanding. I love you so much."
Cheater

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